I Just Read A Good One

NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre claims to have about 200 Washington Congressmen in his back pocket.

Another writer said that politicians ought to have to wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers with patches sewn on their uniforms showing their sponsors.

Lance Armstrong and Your Post Office

Your United States Postal Service spent more than forty million dollars sponsoring Lance Armstrong in bike races.

TO THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE:
Do not, I repeat do not, raise the price of my stamps until after one of the following happens:

1. Either you get the $40 million back from Mssr. Armstrong or
2. Lance works off the $40 million sorting mail in the back room, and then jumps on his bike to deliver said mail. Tell Lance to pedal fast so the mail won't be late.

Miss America Contest

                                                        

Saturday night I watched the Miss America Pageant as contestants tap-danced their way into fame. No, I didn’t watch to see the bathing suit competition, filled with what the announcer said were “enhancements”, well at least not the main reason I was watching.

I was watching to see what these state representatives would say about world peace. Since none of them mentioned world peace, I figured there would be no world peace in 2013.

I knew that, but shucks, how did they know that?

Jim

 

Well Excuuuuse Us

You all remember that giant insurance company, AIG, that you and I (tax payers) saved?
After we saved them some folks at AIG wanted to sue you and I because the terms were too harsh.

From now on, you big company numbnuts, do it at the very beginning,
so maybe 200 million of us can sit across from you,
smile,
tear up the paperwork,
and tell you to have a good day.

In The Privacy Of Their Own Bedrooms

 Once again, I qualiy, I am a gun owner.                                           

Today, many people are out buying assault rifles, buying them by the dozens, buying them for mama, buying them for the kids, buying them for grandma. There were probably three assault rifles under some Christmas trees.  Since half the assault rifles in the entire universe are now on the streets of America, a ban on the future “sale” of such is diluted. I propose something that hasn’t a snowball’s chance of passing: That mere possession of an assault rifle be a felony.

I suspect the new NRA slogan will be : “What we do with our assault rifles in the privacy of our own bedrooms is our own private business.”

And you know what? I think they should do it in the privacy of their own bedrooms.